LOVE IN SPITE OF

RELATIONSHIPS THAT LAST

What is the basis on which to build relationships that will stand the test of time? What are the rules we have to follow to keep friendships alive and thriving? Probably the most important rule is love, which entails : consideration, compassion, gentleness, an ability to see the person above and beyond what they say and do. Understanding that words and actions don't always come from the heart, but from stress and reactions to hardships that life throws at us. We often REACT in a bad way when things go haywire and not according to our plans, or when times get tough and we're going through a hard time......frustration, irritation, disappointments and confusion lead to anger and outbursts simply because we become overloaded and need to vent. While this is going on, we still need to care and love enough to reach into the pain and distress, without being drawn into a fight. We need to develop the ability to place ourselves in the shoes of the other person, to see the situation from their point of view and not to allow it to spoil a good friendship. This is not always easy, especially if we haven't been through similar situations. We ask ourselves "what would I do" if placed in the same situation?  But.....with many traumas in life, unless we have been there, it is all but impossible to even imagine what it must be like. These are the times we just stand by them, be an ear or a shoulder to cry on, or even a sounding board for their ranting and raging without taking it personally. We give them the space to explode and let it out without taking offense. It is often a build up of a whole string of little things, left unresolved for a long time, that add together and one day a tiny little spark sets off an avalanche of rage and anger as it all pours out at one time, there is no more space inside to store it away any more, it has to blow out. When we understand this it will not hurt us but fly over our heads and when it is over, it is all forgiven and forgotten. There are no grudges, no bad vibes no revenges to take, it was simply what it is.....an explosion of pent up emotions and no serious harm is done. The friendship is still there because we saw the person and not the evil that caused the adverse reactions. When we have a full understanding of this our friendships will last....©